Conversations (with myself): Being Real

I think we do each other a significant disservice when we present caricatures of ourselves online. I understand the idea of having niche audiences and wanting to be an encouragement to others. Being an encouragement doesn’t mean simply talking about the positive. Only showing the glowing, rosy moments. What about the moments when your feet stick a bit to the floor as you walk or it’s 8am and you still haven’t done dishes from yesterday’s lunch (or is that just me?)?

Pictures of sacred moments in childhood or great accomplishments do inspire me, but what about that personal bit? What about that bit to connect with real life and the real people around you? The wonderful moment of tender love between your children accompanied with a story about the non stop bickering that had been taking place all day. The reminder that they DO love each other, despite what has been going on all day. Or what about sharing pictures of your 7 failures leading up to your amazing culinary accomplishment. And how about a snapshot of the wall behind the couch your toddler colored on while you were frosting that cupcake?

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a feeling of inadequacy. Everywhere you look, beautiful images and stories can be found about the joys and perfections found in motherhood. Why isn’t that my reality of motherhood? What do these women have that I don’t? Why can’t I attain their level of beauty and perfection, no matter how hard I try?

Most of my daily life is as if I’m in a wilderness of sleep deprivation and constant boundary holding. An amazing wilderness that has joy and rewards, but a wilderness none the less. There are moments like a refreshing breeze. Sometimes, I come across them daily. But those moments never last and they always seem to be just enough (thank goodness!) to get me through the next stretch of parched life until I stumble upon a new, brief oasis.

I’ve begun to reach out to the community of mothers surrounding me. I’ve been holding my breath, asking quiet questions. As the answers have been rolling in, I’ve begun to breathe again. It turns out struggling with parenting, keeping your floor mopped, putting laundry away, keeping patience always at hand, and making sure the kids have on matching shoes are all pretty common. Maybe not those specific examples, but everyone has their own parenting and house keeping demons.

But no one shares them. Why is that? Is it because we’re being afraid of being perceived as a negative nellie? Someone who can never say anything nice? Or how about being seen as weak and disorganized? Worse yet, being seen as a bad mom?

This has to change. Not only do we need to balance the good with the bad but the bad with the good. We need to be real with one another. If we expect to survive this awesome, exhausting, amazing, intimidating thing called parenthood, we have to connect and reconnect. Share the happy with the sad. Sunshine with the rain. Strong points and downfalls.

It’s not comfortable, but real life isn’t shouldn’t be comfortable. My hope is to share my life in color. Not monochromatic or in a specific color scheme. The bright and popular colors, along with the underrepresented and disliked colors.

I want to keep this real.

So, as a first step, I give you this picture:

15 minutes of actual cleaning

Caption of a sunshine yellow color chip: “Did this in 15 minutes while wearing a baby on my back! Woot! Anyone can keep on top of their house in 15 minute chunks!”

Caption muted grays: “Too exhausted to keep up with dishes and the baby is so grumpy, I had to do this while wearing her on my back.”

Real caption that is kind of a muddy mess of yellow, gray and a bit of glitter: “Trying to tackle my kitchen in dedicated 15 minute chunks is possible if I can spread it out over an hour. Three kids is no joke! At least I can wear the baby on my back while mediating the big kids and killing spiders in the bathroom.”

Beautiful doesn’t equal perfection. Even the messy, dirty and possible inadequacies about our lives can offer a beautiful oasis to others.

Advertisements
Next Post
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: